Sorry, we are not coming to your party

Growing up in Lagos, Africa's largest city, I experienced what parties are – I mean real parties. Parties where roads are blocked, various musicians are playing simultaneously and there are a lot of guests – uninvited ones often exceeding those invited.

Typically, there is a lot to eat and drink and the option to take away is often possible.

If it’s not marriage, it’s birthday and if it’s not celebration of life, it’s housewarming. Every weekend, there is just some form of event to keep the music blaring and the people eating somewhere close to you.

Of course, circumstances have changed and new economic realities have taught people to cut their coats according to their cloth, notwithstanding, there are still individuals who hang on to the culture of enjoyment unlimited and keep real parties alive.

Comparing this to another form of party where there is often only one person in attendance and no food or drink to go round presents a sharp contrast. A party of regrets, sharing of miseries and ‘I won’t let it go’ is certainly in-congruent with the Owambe (fun-filled) gatherings I have seen before.

Pity party is no party; an instance of indulging in self-pity or eliciting pity from other people is unappealing.

For clarity, the agenda at most pity parties include: stay at one spot (physically, emotionally or psychologically), maintain an unkempt outlook, play songs with lonely lyrics and occasionally munch on junk foods like ice cream, cookies and candies.

Common! Seriously, this is a party? Yes! It’s called pity party.

Nobody loves to sit around whiners rather they go to winners. It’s therefore no surprise that pity parties don’t attract the desired guests.

While deeply respectful of the experience of true grief and hoping that those who are going through moments of despair following the loss of someone dear to them are ably supported through their healing process, I would reckon that grief heals, pity-party does not.

Life is progressive, sitting still and waiting for someone to show up at your ‘woe is me’, ‘I can’t rise again’ festivity may be an endless wait.  Indeed, there are a lot of empathetic people around but unfortunately nobody really wants to be drawn into solitude and cycles of unending complaints and negativity.

Rise up, clean up and move on. Life has more to offer as long as you look on its bright side.

Call the designer of life and at least there will be two of you to start a new, hope-filled kind of partying. God holds the key to joy and peace. Send an invite to him today; he will show up at your party if no one else does.